


They Speak in my Yuletide Dreams

by Rakshi



Category: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-04
Updated: 2015-12-04
Packaged: 2018-05-04 22:45:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5351183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rakshi/pseuds/Rakshi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Elijah is worried about Sean, but a Yuletide dream of Sam and Frodo brings him the answers he seeks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	They Speak in my Yuletide Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> Posted in the wonderful Yuletide4Frodo community.

 

It was hard not to notice the eyes. They'd stared into each other's eyes so many times that gazing into Sean's hazel-green orbs was damn near like reading a book. He was sad. Elijah could see that he was sad. There was something in his mouth too. A twist when he looked Elijah's way... almost like he was biting his lip, or trying not to.

But it was going to be damned hard to get a moment alone with him at this point. They were all heading home for a much needed Christmas break and it seemed as though the whole cast and most of the crew were milling about the Wellington airport waiting to catch planes. Sean was several yards away, moving toward the jet-way, smiling and waving his goodbye's. Ali's hand was in his and Christine walked just ahead of him. 

"Dammit!" Elijah muttered, hurriedly edging toward Sean, skirting around the confusion of people, trying not to get caught up when friends grabbed him for a farewell word. "See you soon!" he said over and over again, still determinedly moving forward.

"Sean!" he called when he was only a few steps away. "Hey! Wait up!" Sean took a half step forward then stopped and slowly turned toward him, Ali's hand still in his. Christine continued down the jet-way, seemingly unaware that her husband no longer walked behind her. 

"Didn't I just tell you goodbye?" Sean greeted with a smile. 

"I know. But I wanted another word."

Sean waited silently but Ali immediately tugged on Elijah's coat sleeve, wanting a hug. 

"Bye-bye Hobbit Princess," Elijah said stooping to embrace her. "See you after Christmas. Hope Santa brings you that pony you want."

"Is that why you stopped me?" Sean asked him, grinning now. "To hug my daughter and set me up as a pony owner?"

"No," Elijah said, rising. "I just wanted to know if everything's OK. If _you're_ OK."

Sean's eyes narrowed and he quickly looked down.

Christine, who had moved further down the jet-way, suddenly turned. "Sean," she said. "We need to go, honey."

He glanced back at her. "On my way." Then he turned to Elijah. "I'm fine, Frodo," he said reassuringly. "Have yourself a great holiday. See you in ten days or so." He hesitated, then suddenly swept Elijah into a one-armed hug and pressed him close for a long moment before turning to follow his wife.

"Seanie!" Elijah called after him. "Don't think this is over!"

Sean lifted a hand and waved without turning around and seconds later he disappeared into the airplane.

Frustrated, Elijah followed finding a seat next to Dom and staring gloomily at the seat back in front of him as the plane filled and then began to taxi. 

"Hey, duffus," Dom said, nudging him. "Buckle up. We're starting to move."

"Oh, jeez, thanks, man." Startled, he quickly buckled his seat belt. "Mind's drifting I guess."

"What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing really. Listen, Dom. Have you noticed anything weird about Sean?"

"Ha!" Dom snorted. "Do you want the entire list or just the bullet points?"

"I'm serious, asshole! He seems - I dunno - depressed or something."

"Go ask him," Dom mumbled as he turned his face toward the window, clearly intending to sleep away at least _part_ of their fourteen hour flight.

Elijah ignored him and craned his neck, looking around, trying to spot where Sean and his family were seated. He saw them several rows ahead of his own, but by the time the plane was in the air and he was able to move forward on the pretext of using the restroom, Sean was tipped back in his seat and sound asleep. 

He hesitated for a moment, then smiled at Christine. "He's really beat," he said softly.

"I've never seen him so exhausted, Elijah," she told him. "But I suppose that goes for all of you." She hesitated. "Do you need something? Did you want me to wake him?"

"Oh, no, Chris. No. Let him sleep. I'll catch him later." 

He walked on, wishing he could ignore the nagging feeling in his gut that Sean was deeply troubled, and that HE was the cause. Even more upsetting was the ever growing realization that Sean was deliberately avoiding him. It would be hard to believe such a thing was possible when two people spent as much time together as they did. But Elijah knew it to be true.

Time spent on a movie set was entirely different from time spent _together_. They were never alone. Not anymore.

Not all that long ago Sean would go out of his way to make time for them to be together - just the two of them. He would show up unexpectedly and insist on taking Elijah to dinner. He'd drag Elijah away from the set to go for a long walk in the New Zealand countryside, far from cameras, crew, and even the rest of the Fellowship. He'd patiently follow Elijah for hours as they explored local record stores and actually listen to the music Elijah recommended. He'd come to Elijah's apartment to run lines and stay for hours to play games on Elijah's PlayStation.

Even more disheartening was the sudden absence of physical affection between them. Sean used to hug him all the time. When they watched TV he would often wrap his arm around Elijah's shoulders and draw him close against his side. There was an _intimacy_ in their relationship that had abruptly disappeared. He knew deep in his heart that he had, perhaps, liked that part of their relationship a bit too much. But he longed for it just the same.

None of that had happened in weeks, and Elijah missed it dreadfully. He missed the affection and tenderness. He missed the sense of strength and enduring love that seemed to flow as naturally from Sean as the water of New Zealand's rivers flowed from the high mountains. 

He spent time with Dom, Billy and the others of course. But it wasn't the same. Sean was his 'Lion-heart'. His protector. His Sam. And without him New Zealand felt terribly bleak and lonely.

He managed to walk past Sean's seat a couple more times during the long flight, but not once was there an opportunity to speak to him alone. And when they left the plane in Los Angeles Elijah barely got to utter a brief 'goodbye' before Sean grabbed their baggage and all but sprinted with his family to a waiting limo.

Dom and Billy asked him to join them for a late dinner, but Elijah was exhausted and begged off. Weary to the bone, he hauled his luggage to his own limo, thanked whatever gods took care of actors that New Line had arranged these rides for them, and collapsed in the seat.

His mom, Debra, was at his small house when he arrived. They embraced and together they dragged his luggage inside.

"I suppose this is mostly dirty clothes," she said, with a smile.

"Nah, mom, not _mostly_ dirty clothes," he replied. "It's ALL dirty clothes."

She fussed over the luggage pulling items out and tossing them to one side while Elijah gazed around, feeling giddy with weariness.

Debra finally gathered up a huge armful of clothes and turned to go. "You going out tonight, honey?" she asked him, paused in the doorway.

"I'm going to _bed_ tonight," Elijah informed her firmly . "I'm beat. I'll see you, mom. And thanks." 

"No problem. I'll bring these back tomorrow."

He closed and locked his door, wandered to his bedroom, and collapsed onto bed not even bothering to undress. Depressed and exhausted, he felt as out of place in his own home as he did in New Zealand now that Sean was not there at his side. Fighting back tears, he slowly relaxed and eventually fell into a deep sleep.

> Frodo awoke to the sound of soft stirring in the kitchen and the smell of baking muffins. _Sam!_ he thought with a smile. The whole of Bag End smelled of cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger and peppermint. And small wonder, for Sam had been busy for days preparing Bag End for the Yuletide season.
> 
> He had rubbed spices into the Yule log, baked dainties for Frodo to eat and to serve, and covered virtually every bare space in the beautiful Hobbit hole with garland and evergreen. Sam had transformed Bag End into a Yuletide wonder.
> 
> Still wiping sleep from his eyes, he wandered down the hallway and into his ample kitchen, his smile growing even broader when he beheld Sam holding a hot muffin tin, a thick rag wrapped around his hand for protection, dumping muffins into a small basket which sat at the center of the table.
> 
> "I smelled them the moment I awoke, Samwise," Frodo told him happily. "What a wonderful way to wake up it is! What could be better; a warm Hobbit-hole, hot tea brewing, and the smell of your apple muffins mixed with the wonderful scents of Yule! Sam, you are a wonder."
> 
> "Then, Mister Frodo, come sit yourself and have some of these muffins," Sam told him, turning to grab the teapot from where it hung over Bag End's kitchen fireplace. "Best let this tea steep for a bit. Let me get the jam."
> 
> Frodo sat down at the table, then reached out to grab the sleeve of Sam's shirt as he bustled past. "And will you sit _yourself_ too, Master Samwise? I'd like the pleasure of your company at this magnificent breakfast."
> 
> "I should get the jam first, sir, if you please," Sam said, avoiding Frodo's eyes and gently pulling away from his hold on Sam's sleeve. 
> 
> Frodo frowned. This was unlike Sam. His devotion to Frodo was so deep and true that he would never turn away from an invitation to sit beside him at breakfast. And avoiding Frodo's eyes? This was unheard of! Sam loved nothing more than gazing into Frodo's eyes and did so at every opportunity. But now Sam's eyes looked sad. And his beautiful mouth, which usually smiled so sweetly anytime he was near Frodo, was turned downward in sorrow.
> 
> "Samwise?" Frodo questioned. "What is amiss? Come. No nonsense now, Master Gamgee. Sit down here at once."
> 
> Sam slowly moved to the table and took the seat across from Frodo. "There's naught amiss, sir," he replied softly. But his brown eyes still stared at the table-top instead of into Frodo's.
> 
> "My dear Sam, I am not going to be hindered with soft words. I know something's amiss and I mean to have the truth from you this very minute."
> 
> For a long moment Sam was silent and Frodo could see his brown eyes begin to glisten with tears. "Sir, please don't force me to speak," Sam begged in a choked voice. "I fear if I spoke the truth of my heart you would no longer want me in your service, and that I could not bear."
> 
> "Impossible!" Frodo declared stoutly. "That is simply not possible, Samwise. Nothing you could say would drive me to such a course! Now speak your heart, Sam. For if you and I, such true friends, cannot speak our hearts to each other than all our talk of comradeship is false." He moved to sit beside Sam and reached for his hand. When he spoke his voice was soft and low. "At this time of the year especially we cannot not hide what is in our hearts, Sam. Yule is the time of joy and shared bounty. It is also the time when we recognize the friendships that mean the most and rejoice that they are part of our life. It's the time when we share our own happiness with those most dear to us. You have made my home shine with the spirit of Yule, and more, my Samwise, you fill my life with light and high beauty in every season of the year. You must tell me what troubles you, my dearest of all friends. Please. Else you will cover my Yule in darkness."
> 
> Sam allowed his hand to rest quietly in Frodo's then slowly lifted his head and met his Master's eyes. "If you wish me to speak, sir, then I will, for it would break my heart if I were to lessen your Yuletide happiness ." He hesitated, then spoke slowly. "My feelings for you are -," he swallowed hard then spoke again, more quickly. "Are so deep and fierce, my Frodo, that sometimes I fear them." Tears now fell onto his cheeks. "I fear what they might lead me to do."
> 
> "And what do you fear you might do, Samwise?" Frodo asked. 
> 
> Sam shook his head but said nothing, staring once again at the table-top.
> 
> Smiling now, Frodo reached to lift Sam's chin. "Do you fear you might do _this_ , Sam?" Slowly he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Sam's.
> 
> Sam gasped and leapt to his feet. "Mister Frodo! I never thought... sir, I never could have believed...."
> 
> Holding firmly to Sam's hand, Frodo rose as well. "That I love you as much as you love me? And want the same things from our friendship? Well, believe it you must, my dearest Samwise. For it is true. And knowing you feel the same as I has made this the most joyful Yule of my life."
> 
> Shyly, as if he still feared he might be rebuffed at every point, Sam's arms slowly crept around Frodo and drew him close. For a long moment they held each other in contented silence. "Oh Frodo, my love," he whispered finally. "Never in my wildest dreams could I have believed that you felt the same as I."
> 
> And now, as Frodo leaned back to gaze upon him, he could see that the eyes he loved were crinkled in joy and the beautiful mouth beamed with happiness. 
> 
> "That's the happy Samwise I want to always see," he murmured before pressing a kiss to Sam's cheek. 
> 
> "And you will, dearest Master, as long as we're together - I swear that you will."  
> 

Elijah awoke with the dream still vivid in his mind. He wasn't one to place too much faith in such imaginings, but this seemed too much to the point to ignore.

"Could that be it?" he mused quietly. "Could Sean want the same things I do but be too frightened to admit it? And could Sam and Frodo be trying to tell me so?"

He shook his head and gave a quick laugh. "Nah, that's crazy! It was just a dream!" He hesitated. "But I know this much, I'm damned well going to find out!"

And he knew this also. The empty sadness that had filled him for weeks now was suddenly gone. His dream of Sam and Frodo had brought healing and peace to his spirit, and he thanked them in the silence of his heart.

The rest of the Christmas break passed happily for Elijah. He wasn't even bothered by the fact that Sean was returning to New Zealand several days after he was since he wasn't immediately needed on set.

But the moment he _was_ back, Elijah phoned him and arranged for them to meet for an early breakfast. Sean resisted at first. But Elijah wasn't going to take 'no' for an answer and eventually Sean relented.

Elijah had no expectations. He didn't care what came of their conversation, in fact he was fairly sure that even if Sean DID return his feelings he would never act on them, and he was prepared to be content with that. He didn't want to hurt Sean. He didn't want to hurt Chris and the girls. He just wanted their friendship back. 

They met outside the restaurant and Sean greeted him warmly. But instead of going in, Elijah grabbed his arm and pulled him aside. "Let's not go in just yet. Something I want to say first."

Sean frowned slightly, but followed Elijah to the side of the building. When Elijah stopped he took a step back. "What's up, Doodle?"

"Seanie, I had a dream while I was home. A weird dream, and I want to tell you about it."

Sean nodded. "OK. Tell away."

"I dreamt that I was Frodo. It was Yule and I was in Bag End with Sam. Sam had made it all so beautiful, Sean. But I was troubled because he seemed distant and too formal. I could tell something was wrong so I made him sit beside me and talk to me."

Sean shuffled his feet and sighed, as if fearing what was to come.

"He told me that his love for me was so deep and fierce that he feared what might come of it... what he might do."

Sean's eyes refused to meet Elijah's and he bit his lip. 

"Seanie, look at me," Elijah demanded.

Sean's eyes slowly rose.

"Does their situation mirror ours? Because lately, Sean, you have been so distant that I've honestly thought you didn't like me anymore. And that hurts more than I could tell you."

"Oh, God, Elijah, I'm sorry! Please don't EVER think that," Sean blurted, his face going pale. "Not _like_ you? I love you. I love you more than you could ever know!"

"The same way Sam loves Frodo?" Elijah asked softly.

"Sam has good reasons for keeping his truth to himself," Sean replied in a choked whisper.

"Sean, I would never do anything to hurt your family. But I have to know. Not having you in my life anymore has made New Zealand a dark and lonely place. If you don't like me anymore then OK, I'll accept it. But please don't make _love_ your excuse for abandoning our friendship. I couldn't bear it."

Sean slowly reached for his hand and clasped it warmly, lacing their fingers together, then finally his eyes met Elijah's. "Yes, Elijah, the same way that Sam loves Frodo. And not declaring that love has been a terrible struggle for me. I'm so sorry if I hurt you. I didn't mean to. But I've been so afraid of where this path might lead us. Afraid of hurting my family. Afraid of losing you. Just... _afraid_."

"I know, Seanie. But we can't live in fear! I love you too. And I want your love in return. I'm not asking you for anything except an honest sharing of who and what we really are. It _never_ has to be an affair, though I'd be lying if I said I didn't want that. I do want it. But more than that, Seanie, I want our friendship. I want YOU... back in my life again."

Sean smiled and leaned forward to kiss his cheek. "Alright. You've got me. I don't know where this journey will take us. But I won't be led by fear anymore. Where ever this path goes, we'll walk it side by side the same way we always have; the same way Sam and Frodo did. I'll let them guide me." He took Elijah in his arms and held him close. "I'm so sorry I made you sad, baby," he murmured. "I promise you, I only want to see you happy."

Elijah's arms were tight around Sean's neck. Gazing up into Sean's eyes he saw them crinkled with happiness and the lips that he loved were curved in a soft smile. He drew in a shuddering sigh of relief then kissed Sean's lips, softly - quickly. It was not a lover's kiss. It was the kiss of passionate and devoted friendship. "I'll tell you the same thing Sam told Frodo. As long as we're together - I swear that you will."


End file.
